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Every so often, Scientology Inc. does strange and horrible things to avoid bad press. In the past three years since Anonymous targeted Scientology for their attempts to censor the internet, Scientology officials have been working overtime to try and contain the toxic media spills of their own making.

Because Scientologists don’t think like the rest of us, their damage control can result in hilarity or tragedy. Last month, Scientology sent a crack team of Californians to the home of an apostate in Texas. Picture a gaggle of geezers wearing backwards facing ball caps with cameras clipped to the top and matching SQUIRREL BUSTER PRODUCTIONS t-shirts.

Hilarity ensues as the Scilons wield their mighty tech at each other; not unlike the Battle of the Psychics on that South Park episode where Cartman tried to fly with cardboard wings.

There are indications that Scientology is in decline. Their highly touted purchases of Ideal Org buildings “proves” they’re expanding, as if square footage somehow equals “bodies in the shop.” These buildings are a huge expense, and maintaining, restoring and paying taxes on them is daunting for a small Scientology group. So, they fall into disrepair, and sometimes reappear on the market after a few years of languishment.

Long story short, they are feeling pressure from every side as they try to perpetuate the fantasy that Scientology is somehow vitally relevant to today’s society. Pressure to keep the flow of money uplines to the top of the pyramid gets harder with fewer people. Longtime Scientologists are leaving, having realized most of their money is being shaken out of them for peripheral, yet “globally vital” programs, Ideal Org buildings, funding Narconon and other front group outreach programs, and the ongoing “library project,” where members are urged to buy sets of books to be sent to public libraries worldwide. Members are beginning to realize that their money is not going for courses; but rather public relations projects. Many are leaving.

As Scientology, Inc. feels this pressure, it will continue to react awkwardly, and stories of their fail shall be written into the big book of Chanology history.

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